Not So Single. And Happy???

Blogging about the single life is never easy, because it is the ultimate catch-22.  While one never wishes to be single forever, one must learn how to manage happiness while being single.  As a thirty-something woman who had never been in a real relationship, I prided myself on having perfected it.  I lived the single life and I preached it.  I found personal satisfaction in helping the single and unhappy woman find joy.   I started writing a book about it, I started blogging about it.  I was the supreme poster child. 

 

I definitely appreciate the woman I became, but in retrospect I discovered one critical flaw that would cause problems for me later on.  I was single first and Bericka second.  Okay, that might not make since at first glance, but here’s what happened…

 

THE LATE BLOOMER

Everyone comes into “their own” at different times in their life.  For some it happens at sunrise, for others at sunset and for me it was at dawn.  As a child, I was never quite comfortable inside my skin.  Don’t get me wrong, I was cute—but people were always saying, “You would be so pretty if you lost a few pounds” or “You have such a beautiful face…”  I know a few of you out there have either made these statements or been a victim of them. 

 

I could spend hours writing about how harshly I was treated as an overweight child, and how I loathed the weight as an obese adult, but that’s not the point I am trying to make.  It wasn’t until 2006 when I decided to make some permanent changes in my lifestyle—that I was able to turn my situation around.  I spent most of my 20’s unhealthy and unhappy.  But after losing a significant amount of weight I was able to stare boldly into my 30’s—and dare anyone to try to blow out my fire.

 

LESS LARGE, BUT NOW IN CHARGE

With my new found perspective and tight fitting jeans—I was ready for anything.  I hit the dating scene with a vengeance!  I had to make up for lost time.  I was able to go out 3 or 4 times a week and enjoy the night life that many people took for granted.  But my prospective was different.  Very different.  Because I had been single a lot longer than I had been in charge of my social life, the two identities became deeply intertwined.  Ahhh—the fatal flaw.

 

After I found myself in a relationship, I became the antithesis of everything that I had preached just a few short months ago.  On top of this dramatic change—I was so self-unaware, I didn’t even see my fire blowing out.  Once I found myself no longer single, I systematically ceased those activities I considered “of the single life.”  Going out, writing, blogging, enjoying my alone time.  My color, my vibrance, my glow and my fire slowly disintegrated.      

 

WILL WORK FOR HAPPINESS

Now that I have identified the problem, I know that the only person to blame is myself.  I was confused and mislead by what I thought a relationship should be.  I find myself in the need of redefinition.  How does Bericka exist within a healthy relationship and be happy?  Have fire and glow?  To be honest, I am not sure.  This is unfamiliar territory for me.  But I am willing to work on it.  I have to—or the decay that has been lurking inside of me will eat away at a perfectly wonderful relationship.  And that would be a shame.

 

Lastly, I must thank each and every one of my friends and readers who has been patient with me while slowly slipped out of sight.  Thank you for loving me even while I was not being true to myself.  XXXOOO...

Comments

[ReaderGirl]

Welcome back, Chica! Sort it out and make it work for you!

[GiGi]

Welcome back, Bee!!!! Oh how we have missed you!!! :-)

All you really need to remember is this...Knowing is half the battle. Now that you have half of the battle figured out, get working on the other half.

It's so easy to lose yourself when you first get into a relationship. Initially, you're so busy learning one another and building the foundation of the relationship, that you may lose focus of everything else around you. You stop going out. You don't make it to the gym everyday after work. You can't make it to the Girls Gone Wild Weekend in Miami, that you had planned with your ride-or-die, always-got-your-back, girlfriends. You are literally consumed by all things related to your new "sweetie". And that's ok. Sometimes, in order to progress, you have to take a step back...temporarily!!!

But once that new "boo" shine wears off...you have to get back to the business of running your life. You have to find a way to still be "you"...even after you have become a part of "us" or "we". And I have no doubt that you will be able to make this transition.

I know I speak for many of your fans, when I say we are soooo happy to have you back!!! Now that you have made the transition from "single" to "not-so-single"...trust me, we have plenty of single in the city stories that you can use to keep this blog going. Furthermore, some "not-so-single" posts may give us something to look forward to. :-)