Can we just be honest with ourselves for a moment? The phrase nice guys finish last has to be the most misused and overrated phrase in the history of dating. Coined by Leo Durocher, a controversial and outspoken Baseball player, manager and Hall of Famer, it was originally meant to describe the dynamics of baseball—not dating. I assume the concept that nice guys are naturally disadvantaged in dating was probably around long before Durocher, but he inadvertently gave it life. It wouldn’t take long before men and women alike dropped the sports reference and gave this petite phrase the large persona plaguing today’s dating world.
Here is my philosophy on this age old debate. We need to stop all the generalizing and be more specific with our labeling! Just because a guy lacks humor, personality, or confidence doesn’t make him a “nice guy.” It makes him uncomical, boring and/or insecure. Furthermore, we shouldn’t mistake the lack of chemistry with a lack of personality. Just because you don’t want him, doesn’t mean the next girl won’t. Here are a few words that are synonymous with nice: pleasing, agreeable, amiable, pleasant and kind. Give me a man who wishes to please me any day over a womanizer you can’t find 5 days out of the week.
Recently, one of my girlfriend’s met a guy who was different from her usual dating interest. Her usual catch was either someone from her past (she loves recycling men), a new guy with very little motivation (we are lucky if he has a job worth writing home about), or he's a philanderer (he has several women fawning over him and has no intentions of committing to any of them). To our surprise, this new guy had an above satisfactory, suit and tie job, and he made it clear early in their conversations that he was looking for a long-term relationship.
Perfect catch, huh? Nope. He was dry as sticks. He was a BORING guy—no quotation marks needed! She would call me, asking for ideas. How could she make it work? After all, he was a “nice guy”. She tried for months—she felt guilty and wrong. Here was her chance for a real relationship, if only she could do the “nice guy” thing. I told her to stop trying. She was holding him up from finding the woman who might his nerdy jokes funny. But ahhhhh, you live and you learn...
Then there is the other side of the token. Just because a guy has favorable characteristics such as charm, charisma, confidence and swagger doesn’t make him an automatic “bad boy”; it simply makes him attractive. And if we really want to be honest with ourselves, Ladies—we need admit that the true root of this “bad boy” phenomenon are those of us who place these men on pedestals. We turn them into the "bad guys". Some of us are so needy and drawn to their charm and swagger, we are willing to do whatever it takes and sacrifice whatever the situation warrants to spend time with them. How else do you explain men out here with 3 different girlfriends and 8 children by 6 previous women? Clearly they are kicking some sort of serious game and there are a few of us out here who are desperate enough to fall for it. You and I might not be interested in it, but I bet you they will continue to find women who will worship at their feet.
Let’s stop sizing men up as first glance. Don’t buy into the nice guys finish last. Ask yourself, what kind of guy finishes last in your book. Is it a confident, chatty guy or a guy with little, but profound conversation? Is it a man who doesn’t care about his looks or a man who tries to be prettier than you? Is it the guy who works 3 jobs so he can floss at the bar or the wanna-be thug with no job and no car? You decide.
All I am saying, is let’s leave the nice guy finishes last mentality to the spittin' baseball players, 300-pound football jocks and the tall basketball players. In sports, men have to be ruthless, rough and rugged to win. When it comes to your heart, seek men that are gentle, endearing, faithful and loyal. Chile' please...it's 2009!—You NEED to find yourself a sexy nerd!
;0) ~bee
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