Ladies, it's time we look at ourselves. Let's be introspective for a moment. What are some of the things we do that keep us single? I'm sure you could go on for hours about your girlfriends, but what about you? Here is a list of things that definitely hinder your happiness and help you remain single:
10. Sitting at home after work and on the weekends. Being a couch potato is never a good look for the single woman. Your cat or dog will love you for it, but your love life will suffer. Your house maybe spotless, but those aren't the cobwebs you should be worried about. Here's a hint, load your schedule up with events. Cancel some if you need to, but go out!
9. Refusing to entertain blind dates or friendly introductions. What's wrong with meeting one of your sister's co-workers or your cousin's personal trainer from the gym? If you're a savy single woman, a blind date will only cost you a little bit of time and effort. Don't get me wrong, we've all heard about blind dates from hell...but have an exit plan! You are not above a fake phone call from your girlfriend hiding in the bushes. Do whatcha gotta do, girl!
8. Dating a married man or otherwise involved man. See my blog on Man-Sharing.
7. Looking like an "in-cog-negro" when you run errands. Guess what? That hoodie and those sweat pants you had on the other day are not sexy! Men need groceries too. They run to the post office, gas station and mall on a regular basis. Look good for crying out loud! But please don't be the girl at the gym wearing big hoop earrings and bright red lipstick. That's just tacky and desperate.
6. Drinking too much when you go out. Whether it's a company function, a networking event or a house party, stay away from the hard liquor if you can't handle it. Getting loud and obnoxious is definitely not a good look. And throwing up in a corner is a huge turnoff! Onlookers, especially men, will shake their head and think, "see now, that's why she's single..." (I love that phrase!) If you wanna drink too much and act a fool, save it for a night in with the girls.
5. Acting like a fool at the club. See my blog on Club Etiquette 101.
4. Passing up a man just because he doesn't look like Denzel or Morris Chestnut. I can't even begin to count the number of men my girls pass up just cuz they don't look like a movie star. Everyone gets touchy when it comes to this topic. I know you have to be sexually attracted to him. I am not saying date someone who repulses you. Just be willing to give the man a chance. A nice looking man with an ugly attitude is ugly in my book. Check your book.
3. Repeating the past. How many times do you have to date the same type of brotha? They are so much alike, you have to be careful not to call the new guy the wrong name. I refer to this situation as dating the same demon in different clothing. It's the cliche we all know very well: insanity. Come on ladies, you know what you need to do to get different results!!!
2. Dating men with illegitimate jobs. I can't emphasize this enough! (I'm not pointing fingers--I am guilty of this too...) Remember Tommy from Martin's television show? A man who has money, but doesn't go to work is a problem. I don't care what the man does, as long as he is committed to legitimate work and handling his own, he has potential. I know women who married street pharmacists. And guess what? They are basically living the single life while their husband is gone until November (2015).
1. Treating singleness like a sickness. I will continue to say this until it sinks in. Life is about more than having a man. Listen, you will be as happy in a new relationship--once the novelty wears off--as you are right now. It's that simple. Appreciate life and the opportunity to know yourself without outside distractions. Think about the grass being greenest under your feet. I know you have friends who are unhappily married or locked into in bad relationships. They wish they were single! Anyway, if you're still not convinced, I'll keep blogging...
If you want to add to this list, comment below or email me at bericka@gmail.com.
~bee.
I read your list with intrigue. My feedback is that one can do everything you suggest, but will likely fail to attract desirable men if one thing doesn't change; drop the attitude and make yourselves approachable!
It is painful to approach black women. Some act as if being polite or friendly is life threatening. No, no one is disrespecting anyone. I am a very upscale gentleman. A simple "hi, my name is ____, what's your name?" can be met with a *who gave you permission to talk to me* death stare.
It is easy to see how some men will look elsewhere after experiencing this several times. This is the male perspective. Maybe you can write a blog suggesting that women go easy on the attitude.
Posted by: Why All the Attitude??? | November 19, 2008 at 11:05 PM
I agree with most of the list! The only thing that I don't agree with is #7 looking like an "in-cog-negro"- I feel that women can be the most attractive when they are not trying. Let me see what I'm going to wake up to, not just what you will look like after you put it together.
In response to the upscale gentleman discussing the attitude of black women. As a black man i can understand his position, but he has clearly not taken into account the position of the women. Women are approached every day by men who don't have any good sense! So we must be patient and realize that if she passes a good thing up then it's her loss, and try a little harder to distinguish ourselves from those with out sense! You can not bitterness make you bitter.
Posted by: TBB JR | November 21, 2008 at 08:15 AM
You Forgot Reason number 11. Stop reading Negative Blogs like this. You can't attract something, by constantly thinking and reading about it's opposite. And chances are if you attracted this blog, you are probably repealing the opposite of what this blog is about. Think about that for a minute!!!!
Posted by: Nobody | March 07, 2009 at 03:59 PM