Sweetie, listen to me. That pain in your chest is not a heart attack. You are currently experiencing the withdrawals of a recent breakup. Can't sleep? Check. Can't eat? Check. Wanna eat everything in your pantry? Check. Feel like your world is coming to an end? Check. Can't see a day when you will be happy again? Check. When he left, it felt like he took a part of you with him? Check.
NOT SO...Your brightest days are ahead of you.
If you've ever been in a relationship, you've also experienced a breakup. Breakups are as frequent as the common cold in the height of the winter season; yet, to the woman reluctantly going through a breakup, it feels like the flu. We live in a culture where relationships are started over night, but breakups take months and even years.
Is it possible? A healthy breakup?...Yes! You can find ways to cope with the changes in your life, grieve and eventually move on. Considering I was dumped about 6 times this year, I have compiled a few helpful tips that helped me. Here is part 1:
Brace Yourself when the Breakup is Looming. Most of you know when a breakup is coming. But if you feel blindsided it's because you were probably living in denial. In retrospect, most women are able to see the signs they previously missed. Your boyfriend, who was with you every weekend, is suddenly scarcely available. He finds ways to be unavailable for engagements that he would usually attend. He becomes uncommunicative and despondent. He is excited about everything that doesn't involve you. He cancels dates and you two rarely have quality time. Clearly something has changed.
It's often hard to know whether a relationship is truly over or whether you are just experiencing a bump in the road. Maybe time apart will prove that your relationship is not over. It's possible the two of you are taking each other for granted. Only time and careful consideration will tell. Regardless, when a breakup is looming, it's time to prepare yourself for the single lifestyle.
Hopefully you are not a jumper: a person who jumps from one relationship to another--it's not healthy. Try to remember what your life looked like before you met this man. You should have used your time to enhance your social networking skills, and you should have been going on lots of dates. (Not a bad way to live.) You should have appreciated your time alone and spent time re-inventing yourself. You should have been exploring your city or picking up new hobbies. (Call me a nerd, but as a single woman I taught myself how to knit, picked up sign language and learned to be comfortable with going to dinner, movies and concerts by myself.) Whatever you do, you should be busy loving yourself.
Single life isn't all doom and gloom. With anything that doesn't come easy, practice makes perfect. Look at singleness as a blessing in disguise. You won't be coupled up and happy until you are single and happy. Trust me--it's possible.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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