Have you ever looked for love in all the wrong places? Have you ever worked to get the attention of a man who didn't understand the value of knowing you and loving you? Have you ever had a crush on someone who didn’t know you were alive? Yes. We all have. If you don’t agree with any of my blogs—I am begging—listen to this word of advice. Never, never, never ever chase a man!
The art of man-chasing never looks good on a woman of class and sophistication. This is the reason the classic Tom & Jerry cartoon is so amusing. No matter how hard he tried or what hare-brained scheme he came up with, Tom could never catch Jerry. Sometimes, Tom would close in, but he was always out-smarted—by a mouse with a brain the size of a pencil eraser! The cat and mouse game is never a good idea when it comes to dating.
Let’s take a look at my friend Raquel. She was introduced to David through a mutual friend and over several phone conversations they hit it off initially. After their first or second date, it was clear that David wasn’t into her as much as she was into him. He tried to pull away, but she didn’t pay attention to his clues. I would describe David as passive-aggressive in his approach. He didn't have the courage to tell her she wasn't his type, and he thought it was wrong to simply dismiss her. Subsequently, he would pay just enough attention to keep her hanging on. He would ignore her phone calls 65% of the time and commit to dates he knew he would cancel.
The more he backed away, the more she pursued him. She would go to parties she heard he was attending. She would call him every day, in spite of the fact that he wasn’t calling her back. She would email him notes to say she was thinking was about him. She liked him and was relentless in her pursuit. She had no idea that it was a turn off, and her actions made him want to run in the other direction whenever he saw her coming.
There are several things that this type of behavior says about a woman. First, it reeks of desperation. Guys normally want what they can’t have or what belongs to another man. I assume it has something to do with their primal hunting instincts. If you are too available and he doesn’t have to work to get you, you become a spoiled catch. It’s like you were caught and left behind by another pack of hungry lions. I barely passed economics in college, but i understand supply and demand. If its clear that your demand is low, he will not want you either.
Always being available also says that you have nothing going on in your life. It’s very uncool to be boring. A man needs to know that you will have a life outside of him, should he decide to date you. Ask your closest married girlfriend how many times her husband gets together with the fellas to watch football, golf or play poker. If either of these activities are not his thing, it might be fishing or hiking. If they are in a healthy relationship, they break apart for personal time at least once a week or a few times a month. It is only natural.
Check this out, let him come to you. Stop trying to make it work. Your efforts will be fruitless and your energy will be wasted on someone who doesn’t want it anyway. Sometimes the hardest thing to accept is that a guy doesn’t like you. Know that you are wonderful and special in so many ways. He is not 110% perfect for you, because he has one detrimental flaw. He doesn’t see the beauty in you. He can’t help it, he's not meant for you. The man who is meant for you, will see you for who you are. His passion for you will flow effortlessly. Relax. Pick up a hobby and wait for Mr. Wonderful to arrive.
If you are curious to know how Raquel is doing now, I am happy to update you. As you might expect, in the end David didn’t fall madly in love with her. But she did eventually take up skiing and meet a guy everyone considers husband material on a singles ski trip. They are polar opposites—she's a short, thick Mexican girl, and he's a tall, thin, clumsy Caucasian guy. They are very much in love and laugh when they think about the people they tried to date in the past.
There are many things in life you should chase. Your dreams. Your career. Your dog who has your tennis bracelet in his mouth. But never ever chase a man!
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