"Man-sharing" is similar to the concept of time-sharing a condo. You get him this weekend, I get him next weekend. You bought him a nice outfit for his birthday last week, I get to take it off of him tonight. Whereas owning part of a timeshare can be exciting for those who cannot afford a luxury condo in say--Miami; man-sharing is a sad reality many woman in the DC area have fallen victim to.
One of my last relationships involved me, him and his girlfriend--or should I say his Sugamomma? He said he didn't love her--he only needed her to pay his rent and car note. You might ask why I was even remotely interested in a guy who couldn't supply his own basic needs, but that is another story for another blog. Nonetheless, in this situation, I was completely aware of the fact that he had a girlfriend from the beginning. But I told myself that he didn't love her, he loved me. He only needed her money, but he wanted my good company, my charm, my body and my mind. Cuz Lawd knows, I didn't money to pay da brothas bills.
However, today I am addressing the times when man-sharing is done in blissful ignorance. Maybe you know something isn't quite right with your relationship, but you don't think its an affair with the woman on the second floor of your building. Or the receptionist at his job. Or the "cousin" who flies into town at least once a month. Hum. Love can be so blind. And so blatantly clear!
You might be man-sharing if:
1. You don't spend holidays with your man. He either is conveniently missing or he doesn't celebrate holidays--so in protest, he locks himself in the house and won't take phone calls. Whatever his excuse is, if you'll buy it, I have some magic beans I've been saving for someone special.
2. You can't reach him before or after a certain hour or on certain days of the week. Its nine o'clock on a Saturday night--do you know where your man is? Does he call you at 8:45 p.m. to say he's had a rough day at work and he is going to call it a night? If so, once in a while is fine. But not every night, Sweetie!
3. He is only available the day before or after Valentine's day and/or his birthday. He claims his boss is an angry bitter woman who wants everyone to work late on Valentine's day--because she doesn't have a man. Sorry Boo-Boo, he's sleeping with her. They are getting it on in the copy room, on her desk and in the ladies room when no one is around. I hope they don't get caught, and he keeps her happy enough to keep his job.
4. You've never been to his house. It drives me crazy how men can get away with this! There is always an excuse: he has roommates, his place is a mess, it's too far away, he lives with his momma, etc, etc, etc. Don't buy it!
5. You haven't met any family. He shouldn't rush to introduce you to his mother or children, but its been a year and you only know his drunk uncle Ray-Ray? That's a problem...
6. He makes sure there is no electronic evidence of your dates, like paying for them in cash or asking you to put them on your credit card. (Or maybe he's just broke...it's a toss up!)
7. He can't spend the night. It cheapens the entire night when a man rushes to put his clothes on as soon as the episode is over. We ain't gotta cuddle, but where you rushin' off to playa?
8. Your dates are always on the opposite side of town. Or maybe they are always at night. Or they are always at your house. Observe the patterns.
9. You haven't slept with anyone else, but you have an unexplained itch. Uhm. Uhm. Uhm. Don't be embarrassed, your GYN sees this all the time. (And its never fun when one of your girlfriends is having the exact same symptoms...)
10. Your gut tells you he's creeping. Three or four of the previously listed signs exist in your relationship, but he's been perfecting his game for a long time, so you can't prove anything. Listen to your intuition. Women were purposefully given a strong intuitive voice--use it.
Actually there are hundreds of ways to identify man-sharing (and woman-sharing). If you are okay with the lies and the cheating, well then hey--do you boo! But if your heart desires a committed relationship, don't be blinded by love.
Men with game are good. They will have you questioning yourself, wondering if you are the one cheating because you can't remember what you did last night. I believe whole-heartedly, there are men out there who will treat you with respect. The deed to a time-share and the deed to your own private residence are two very different things. Having an address of your own is sacred. You might not always want to be at home, but you know your home is available to you when you need it.
Ladies, stand up for yourself. Own the deed to his heart or find yourself another residence. I haven't acquired one yet, but I believe it can and will happen. In the meantime, I will continue to avoid, evict and foreclose on all man-shares. It simply isn't worth my time.
Amen, Honeybee!!!! I have shared too many men to count...sometimes knowingly...sometimes not so knowingly. But I am in straight EVICT mode right now. Like you, I have recently decided that if I can't have it all...I don't want any of it. Yes, I know there is a shortage of good "property" for ownership, but I figure that will only make "owning" that much more valuable. As with everything in life...if I'm willing to pay the price, I should get exactly what I want. I'm tired of playing the "wifey" role, only to prep them for how they should treat the one that they intend to marry.
Stay strong sista...say NO to man-sharing!!!
Posted by: Trying to Break My Lease | September 29, 2008 at 05:30 PM